i've never been this absolute and definite about a man my whole life. i don't know if its because it has been such a long time. but i want this, him, us together. to give but not to expect. i just want someone to devote myself to, and i choose him. now i know what it feels to be on the other side. it hurts but it feels so good to give so freely. i don't love him...yet. but i know that he is someone i can love, follow and urk! be subservient to. why can't he see me the way i want him to? but then again does it even matter. i just need to exorcise this. i've done a lot of things the wrong way in the past. the hurts that i've experienced i will never trade but the way i reacted i would definitely change it. face it head on. confront it face to face. i choose the rollercoaster, the ups and the down, the fear the excitement the thrill the craziness, the wanting to get out but staying on because i committed to ride it out. i choose that over the carousel to stay inside my comfort zones going round and round never getting off it, afraid to try.